{"id":14164,"date":"2019-05-06T13:16:13","date_gmt":"2019-05-06T05:16:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/varsity.com.cuhk.edu.hk\/?p=14164"},"modified":"2021-10-15T12:13:40","modified_gmt":"2021-10-15T04:13:40","slug":"let-them-grow","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/varsity.com.cuhk.edu.hk\/index.php\/2019\/05\/let-them-grow\/","title":{"rendered":"Let Them Grow"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Anxious mainland parents with children studying in Hong Kong find comfort in chat groups<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

By Katherine Wang & Wayne Chang<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHas\nany of your kids been to UC Berkley for exchange before? Which hostel is a cheaper option? Thanks!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cFrom\nwhat I have heard, most students, including term exchange students, rent an apartment there.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

These dialogues are\nspotted in a QQ (a popular instant messaging software in Mainland China) chat group formed by mainland parents\nwhose children study at the Chinese University of Hong Kong (CUHK). They are seeking advice from other\nparents on their children\u2019s exchange programme.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Separation anxiety<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

When mainland students\nleave their hometowns to study in Hong Kong, a city different from any other cities in\nthe Mainland, their parents across the border are anxious to learn\nhow their children are coping in Hong Kong. Numerous WeChat and QQ chat groups\nwith some up to hundreds of members are formed by mainland parents to stay in\ntouch with other parents and talk about their children\u2019s school life in Hong Kong. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

These chat groups allow\nparents to keep their fingers on the pulse of what is going on in Hong Kong, information about the latest programmes, exchange and internship opportunities.\nThese parents then share such information with their children. They also seek\ncomfort from each other in the chat group, as they all have to bear separation from\ntheir children who lived under their care for nearly 20 years. Most of their\nchildren were born under the mainland\u2019s one-child policy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"
School policy regarding admission and application for exchange programmes is one of the hot topics mainland parents discuss in chat groups<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Parents also make use of\nthese chat groups to \u201ccheck on\u201d their children. For example, some parents post group pictures of\nstudents took in orientation camps. When other parents recognise their own\nchildren in these pictures, they will start talking about their\nchildren who joined the same event in the chat group.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A Hong Kong University of\nScience and Technology student, who reveals his name as Jack, complains these parents\u2019 chat groups go beyond their original\npurposes of sharing school information. \u201cThese chat groups can exist but the content\nshould not be like these. Parents can contact one another, but they should just share how their\nchildren are doing, or chat with others when they feel lonely,\u201d says Jack.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Faces behind chat groups<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Zhu Xin, established a CUHK parent chat group (\u9999\u6e2f\u4e2d\u6587\u5927\u5b78\u5167\u5730\u5bb6\u9577\u7fa4) on WeChat with another parent in 2013. Its\noriginal intention was sharing experiences of getting a student visa since the\napplication procedure was complicated. Little did she expect the group would\ngrow to more than 700 people in just six years. She is now frustrated about\nhaving too many people in the chat group, as it is difficult to manage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

However, she still thinks the chat group is\nbeneficial for parents in the sense that they can learn what their children are\ndoing. \u201cTo be frank, this group is for us, parents, to console one another, not to supervise the children…And you\nshould think about how unaccustomed your parents are to your absence, considering that you [the children] have been with us for around 20 years,\u201d says Zhu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"
Regulations of a CUHK parent chat group<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Ma Renjie is another\nadministrator of the CUHK parent chat group. He says joining the group is a\nchannel for him to express his care for his daughter by learning the updates\nabout her school. But he does not interfere his daughter\u2019s school life directly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cParents\njust want to know what is going on in their children\u2019s school life. My child can deal with all\nthese things by herself…I don\u2019t want to bother my daughter too often,\u201d says Ma. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

His daughter Ma Yunxue, a Year One CUHK student, is aware of her father\u2019s leading role in the chat group. She says\nthe group can help reassure her parents that she is doing fine in school, because it is impossible for her to keep\nin touch with them every day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\nis necessary for the group to exist…When the parents are anxious about\nsomething, they can talk and comfort each other. Even though it\nmight not help solve the problems, they can learn what happens, and they will be less anxious,\u201d says Ma.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Building trust<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dr. Eva Lau Yi-hung, Associate Professor and Associate Head of the Department of Early Childhood Education of the Education University of Hong Kong<\/a>, says family support continues to be a significant factor that impacts on university students\u2019 self-esteem, wellbeing and adjustment to their university life during the first year of their study. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSupport\nis good, but too much parental involvement might have a\nnegative impact on their independence,\u201d says Lau.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"
Mainland parents seek advice from each other about exchange programmes for their children<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

As a mother of two, Lau reveals she does not engage in her\nchildren\u2019s school life directly. Though she joins a WhatsApp\ngroup of her elder daughter\u2019s primary school from which she can get\nuseful information such as school system and curriculum, she encourages her daughter to try sorting\nout everything relating to her studies herself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lau points out family\nsupport is important for university students. She believes the right way for\nparents to support their children is to have empathy for their children and\ncommunicate with them, rather than to completely take over and directly\nengage in their lives. And children need to learn to be independent and update\ntheir parents about their school life on a regular basis.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBy sharing more information and telling them [the parents] that I\u2019m independent enough, parents will eventually learn to let go,\u201d says Lau.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Edited by Fangdong Bai<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Mainland parents are \u201cchecking on\u201d their children who are studying in universities in Hong Kong through social media chat groups. Does it really help facilitate communication between children and parents?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":14165,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1805,8],"tags":[1260,1261,29],"class_list":["post-14164","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-issue-152","category-our-community","tag-chat-groups","tag-mainland-parents","tag-mainland-students"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/varsity.com.cuhk.edu.hk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14164","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/varsity.com.cuhk.edu.hk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/varsity.com.cuhk.edu.hk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/varsity.com.cuhk.edu.hk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/varsity.com.cuhk.edu.hk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=14164"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/varsity.com.cuhk.edu.hk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14164\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":14263,"href":"https:\/\/varsity.com.cuhk.edu.hk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14164\/revisions\/14263"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/varsity.com.cuhk.edu.hk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/14165"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/varsity.com.cuhk.edu.hk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=14164"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/varsity.com.cuhk.edu.hk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=14164"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/varsity.com.cuhk.edu.hk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=14164"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}