{"id":18439,"date":"2021-03-16T11:38:57","date_gmt":"2021-03-16T03:38:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/varsity.com.cuhk.edu.hk\/?p=18439"},"modified":"2021-05-27T14:23:18","modified_gmt":"2021-05-27T06:23:18","slug":"dilemma-faced-by-young-gays-in-china","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/varsity.com.cuhk.edu.hk\/index.php\/2021\/03\/dilemma-faced-by-young-gays-in-china\/","title":{"rendered":"Dilemma Faced by Young Gays in China"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Young gays in China are struggling whether to tell their parents the truth…<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

By Jack Deng in Shenzhen<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ivan Chen*\u2019s father threatened to cut ties with him when he talked with the family about homosexuals.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIf I know that you are having any connection with these people (homosexuals), I am going to break your legs and will never recognise you as my son,\u201d Chen recalled what his father told him in 2014.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That was his father\u2019s reaction when Chen tried to test his parents\u2019 attitude towards homosexuals when he was a secondary school student.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The current year three university student who lives in Shenzhen realised he was gay when he was a boy. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

He finally decided to come out to his parents in 2018 when he was 17. His parents could not accept it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAfter I told them that I am gay, my dad left home quietly for a while, as he could not believe what I told him,\u201d Chen says.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chen\u2019s mother believes that being gay is a kind of mental illness, which is against the law of nature and can be cured.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cEvery day she keeps asking me when I will find a girlfriend. She pretends that I am straight,\u201d Chen says. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chen\u2019s parents think the continuity of their bloodline is the most important for the family. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI understand my parents\u2019 thoughts but it is uncomfortable for me to live in a family that doesn\u2019t accept me as I am,\u201d Chen says. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Only Child<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Unlike Chen, Austin Gong* chooses not to tell his parents that he is gay.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gong is currently studying at Shandong University. As the only child in his family, his parents are urging him to get married and have a child after graduation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Chinese government introduced One-Child Policy in 1978. Under the policy, married couples could only have one child. Having a gay child in a family means the end of their family bloodline.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The government relaxed the policy in 2016 and married couples now can have two children.   <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gong once overheard a conversation between his father and his father\u2019s friends. Gong\u2019s father said to his friends that he would wait for Gong to have a child rather than having another child himself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Knowing his father\u2019s thoughts, Gong decided to keep his homosexuality a secret. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI have no confidence in my parents. They will not accept that I am gay. They cannot understand what is happening,\u201d Gong says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gong is afraid of making his parents feel sad and disappointed. He thinks telling his parents his sexual orientation will only cause trouble. His solution is to bury his head in the sand just like an ostrich.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe conservative views of older generations are the biggest barrier in communication. My parents might be afraid of people gossiping about me,\u201d Gong says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI do not think same-sex marriage will be legalised in Mainland China. I probably will not tell my parents that I am gay forever. I can say that I am a DINK (Double-Income-No-Kids, couples who both have salaries but do not want children) to explain why I do not want to have babies,\u201d Gong adds.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"
LGBT community in China.<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Hesitation<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Facing an equally difficult situation, Justin Zhang*, a gay student who is studying at Wuhan University, has a practical concern.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Zhang hesitates to come out to his parents due to his fear of losing their financial support.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI can\u2019t live on my own, so I have to get along with my parents well,\u201d Zhang says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many times, Zhang\u2019s father has asked him \u201cWhen will you find a girlfriend?\u201d publicly during family gatherings. This makes him speechless.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI feel helpless when hearing what he says. I have no idea what reaction I should have. So I  pretend that I do not hear him,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Zhang says that he is still finding a proper way to tell his parents that he is gay. He is not afraid of dealing with troubles or communicating with the older generation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 \u201cI would like to tell them that only if I can live the way I want, I will be happy,\u201d he says. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Keep\u00a0Moving\u00a0Forward<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

“It definitely takes time for the elderly to look at the gay community from a new angle, no matter they are parents from China or foreign countries.”<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Ying Xin, executive director of Beijing LGBT Centre and a visiting scholar of Human Rights Advocate Programme (HRAP), School of International and Public Affairs at Columbia University, points out that it takes time for parents to accept the gay community.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt definitely takes time for the elderly to look at the gay community from a new angle, no matter they are parents from China or foreign countries,\u201d Xin says. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Xin acknowledges the influence of the One-Child Policy on the gay community.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 \u201cMany Chinese parents are eager to have grandchildren, and this puts pressure on their gay children. To seek a more liberal atmosphere and escape from their parents, these young people will move to big cities like Beijing or Shanghai. But that might make their parents feel even more worried. It is a vicious cycle,\u201d Xin says. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

 Xin hopes that the public will accept the gay community, as the attitude of the Chinese government has become more positive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWe can now see that discussions related to the homosexual group are happening in many areas such as policy, education, and culture. The cooperation opportunities of NGOs and enterprises are increasing. Our future path won\u2019t be easy, but we will keep moving forward,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

*Name changed at interviewee\u2019s request\/to protect the interviewee.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Edited by Charleen Chen
Sub-edited by Laurissa Liu<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Young gays in China are struggling whether to tell their parents the truth\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":18455,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1774,8],"tags":[245,1652,1651],"class_list":["post-18439","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-issue-158","category-our-community","tag-china","tag-coming-out","tag-homosexual"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/varsity.com.cuhk.edu.hk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18439","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/varsity.com.cuhk.edu.hk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/varsity.com.cuhk.edu.hk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/varsity.com.cuhk.edu.hk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/varsity.com.cuhk.edu.hk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=18439"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/varsity.com.cuhk.edu.hk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18439\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":18553,"href":"https:\/\/varsity.com.cuhk.edu.hk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18439\/revisions\/18553"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/varsity.com.cuhk.edu.hk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/18455"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/varsity.com.cuhk.edu.hk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=18439"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/varsity.com.cuhk.edu.hk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=18439"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/varsity.com.cuhk.edu.hk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=18439"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}