{"id":18872,"date":"2021-04-20T11:22:37","date_gmt":"2021-04-20T03:22:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/varsity.com.cuhk.edu.hk\/?p=18872"},"modified":"2021-05-27T11:18:20","modified_gmt":"2021-05-27T03:18:20","slug":"why-dont-we-talk-about-sex","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/varsity.com.cuhk.edu.hk\/index.php\/2021\/04\/why-dont-we-talk-about-sex\/","title":{"rendered":"Why Don\u2019t we Talk about Sex?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Vera Lui Wing-hang, a sex toy shop owner, shares her transformation from a girl with zero sex knowledge to a sex educator promoting positive sex. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

By Angel Woo<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Growing up in a Sex Taboo City<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHi! I am Vera from Sally\u2019s Toy. Perhaps many of you have heard of G-spot without knowing where it is. So today let me tell you how to find your G-spot,\u201d says Vera Lui Wing-hang in her first YouTube video, holding a model of a vagina in her hand. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

This video named \u201cTips about the G-spot that every girl should know\u201d hit 2.4 million views since it was published in 2012. Since then, Lui has kept making YouTube videos regularly to educate people about sex. Her channel has about 102,000 subscribers and over 100 videos now.
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Lui covers all topics relating to sex in her videos such as \u2013 \u201cHow to find the perfect condom?\u201d, \u201cWhat if my girlfriend doesn\u2019t let me masturbate?\u201d, \u201cCan you swallow semen?\u201d and so on.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She runs a sex toy shop in Hong Kong since 2010 and produces YouTube videos to clear public misconceptions about sex. The sex toy shop owner also gives sex advice through social media as she often receives messages from her customers. 
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"
Vera Lui Wing-hang runs a sex toy shop in Hong Kong since 2010. (Photo courtesy of Vera Lui Wing-hang)
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But the sex educator was once ignorant towards sex. 
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen I was young, nobody taught me about sex. I never thought of sex or masturbation, and never imagined having sex in a relationship,\u201d Lui says.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Born in a traditional family, her parents never taught her about sex. Anything relating to sex is taboo in her family (conversations). \u201cSex should not be discussed \u2013 this is my family\u2019s sex education,\u201d she recalls.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI was having a family gathering when I had my first period. I told my mom when I saw blood stains on my underwear and she secretly took me to the toilet,\u201d she says.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201c\u2018This is a sanitary napkin. Stick it to your underwear. From now on, you have to do this every month.\u2019 \u2013 that\u2019s all she told me, and we never talked about this topic again,\u201d she recalls.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen I stepped out of the toilet, my cousins asked what happened. My mom just said \u2018Shh! Nothing happened!\u2019 and my aunties said, \u2018Don\u2019t ask!\u2019, that was when I learned that periods were something I should not talk about,\u201d Lui says.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The first porn she watched was a DVD given by one of her classmates when she was in secondary school. \u201cA boy in my class asked me to pass a DVD to another boy. That DVD had no packaging, so I asked what it was. They said it is not suitable for girls. But I was curious, so I asked them to let me watch it,\u201d Lui recalls.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI was not too shocked when I watched it, because all the sex scenes were blurred. But I knew I could not let others know that I watched the sex video, so I threw the DVD into a public rubbish bin after watching it,\u201d she says.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lui, now 34 years old, said that the first time she had sex was when she was 16 years old.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAll I could remember is that my thighs were in so much pain. You need some flexibility when doing sex, but I am not a flexible person,\u201d she says with a laugh.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe whole process finished so quickly, and it was not enjoyable at all. Before I turned 24, sex was not something I wanted,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Enlightenment of Sex<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A new chapter began when the then 24-year-old Lui was given a vibrator that was shaped like a cigar when she was on a date with her boyfriend. A vibrator is a type of sex toy that creates sexual stimulation through vibration. On that night, she finally found a healthy relationship with sex and had her first orgasm.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI did not know how to masturbate so I googled for several hours before using it. On that night, I started to explore what exactly a vagina was, where the G spot was and how to stimulate the clitoris,\u201d Lui recalls.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI never knew I could have such relationship with my body. Why did no one ever tell me that masturbation is so pleasurable?\u201d, Lui sighs.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt was so empowering. I used to think of sex as a way to please my boyfriend. But I finally realized that I own my body and I have the right to enjoy sex,\u201d she says. \u2018That night\u2019 changed her completely. She then founded Sally’s Toy, an intimate lifestyle store aiming to encourage positive discussion about sex.\u00a0
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOn that night, I started to explore what exactly a vagina was, where the G spot was and how to stimulate the clitoris.\u201d<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI believe I am not the only one who has little sex knowledge in Hong Kong. But why does nobody tell us about sex? So, I was thinking if no one talks about it, then let me talk about it. That\u2019s how the story of Sally\u2019s Toy began,\u201d she says. 
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In 2019, she became a certified sex educator after studying a one-year sex education programme organised by the Family Planning Association of Hong Kong and learnt the practical skills on how to communicate with clients to solve their sexual difficulties.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Educating Sex Differently<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

To Lui, sex education is not only about sex. \u201cThe fundamental of sex education is about self-love and loving others,\u201d she says.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOnce we can respect our own bodies, it is a way of self-love. When you respect others in a relationship, it is a way of loving others,\u201d Lui explains.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She also gives sex education workshops in schools such as the University of Hong Kong and HKICC Lee Shau Kee School of Creativity. Her way to educate people about sex is different from traditional theory-based sex education.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"
Vera Lui Wing-hang gives a sex education workshop. (Photo courtesy of Vera Lui Wing-hang)<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen I was teaching at HKICC Lee Shau Kee School of Creativity, I organised a condom-making workshop with a condom producer Sagami. It would be easier for the secondary students to understand the importance to have safer sex in a more interactive way than in the classroom,\u201d she says.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From Lui\u2019s observation, teenagers usually feel embarrassed to discuss and reach a consensus with their partner before sex. She opted for a unique way to help the teens breaking the shackles.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIn a relationship of BDSM (Bondage & Discipline, Sadism & Masochism), communication between partners is very important. So, I organised a BDSM workshop for them to understand the importance of communication through roping the body of others,\u201d Lui says.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe fundamental of sex education is about self-love and loving others.\u201d<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Her sex toy shop is another type of classroom for sex education. \u201cOur shop is like a pharmacy which gives basic advice to patients. People seek advice from us when they encounter sex problems,\u201d she says.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Her hard work paid off. One day, when Lui was walking on the street, a middle-aged lady bumped into her and said: \u201cAre you Vera? Thank you so much for your videos and your products!\u201d
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI am divorced and could have never imagined having sexual pleasure after the split. But I started exploring my body after watching your videos and had the first taste of orgasm. I never experienced it when I had sex with my ex-husband,\u201d the lady explained.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI will never forget how excited she was. This encourages me a lot and it\u2019s the drive for me to keep doing positive sex education,\u201d she says delightedly.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She understands there is still a long way to go for Hong Kong\u2019s sex education. It is not easy to talk about sex in a sex taboo city, but she is still positive.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI would already be grateful if I could help seven people in the seven million in Hong Kong,\u201d Lui says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Edited by Savoki Zhang<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sub-edited by Sarah Ryou<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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