Miss Chan does not believe that marriage prevents changes from taking place in relationships.
"The marriage relationship totally depends on the couple themselves. The certificate and the ceremony
secure nothing," she said.
As modern societies develop, cohabitation tends to rise with the divorce rate. Even sociologists cannot fully explain the factors behind this.
In a longterm study called "Youth and Sex", the Family Planning Association measured the sexual attitudes of students in Form 3 to Form 7. Surveys were done at five-year intervals from 1981. From 1986 to 1991, the percentage of students who said they thought cohabitation was an acceptable lifestyle rose from about 25 percent to more than 50 percent.
Similar results were found in an informal survey conducted by a number of psychology students at The
Chinese University. In this survey, 62 percent of respondents approved of cohabitation as an
alternative.
However, 70 percent of respondents still regard marriage as "more suitable to them" when compared with
cohabitation. About 66 percent agree that marriage involves more responsibilities than cohabitation.
Without statistics on cohabitation trends in Hong Kong, the views by experts of the phenomenon tend to vary.
Dr. Wong Fai Ming, a senior lecturer in the Sociology Department at The Chinese University, does not
think cohabitation is common in the Territory.
"Cohabitation is practiced only by a small group of professionals and youths. The majority of Hong Kong
people, though they talk much about cohabitation, don't really take it up," said Dr. Wong.
Dr. Thrieau Isabella, also in the Sociology Department, distinguished two types of cohabitation:
Cohabitation followed by marriage, and cohabitation without marriage.
She added that women nowadays need not consider marriage a protective shell as before. Roles of women
and men have become more symmetrical.
"Industrialization has brought about individualism. Careers become vital to people," said Dr. Thrieau. "In
the past, marriage was a whole family's matter rather than an individual's. But now, people no longer
regard marriage as a means to meet parents' desires."
Besides, Chinese traditional moral standards have become relaxed in Hong Kong.
Said Dr.Thrieau:"Men feel less responsible for having sex with women. And women don't need men to
shoulder this responsibility."
In the past, sex was the end of the understanding process and premarital sex was considered evil.
"But now, it is regarded as something that comes at the beginning. Sex has become an important part of
getting acquainted with each other. People no longer necessarily link it up with marriage."
Dr. Wong Fai Ming:Marriage no longer holy.
Dr. Wong agreed. Since women desire to experience more, they don't want to settle down so
soon.
"With the rise of educational standards," explained Dr. Wong, "they have become economically
independent. Their attitude towards marriage and sex are more open.
"Marriage is regarded only as a ritual thing. It is no longer holy but a mundane system," added Dr.
Wong.
Dr. Wong also said there is another factor: As 1997 approaches, a "last phase mentality", characterised by
shortsightedness and pessimism, is being adopted by young people. Interpersonal relationships are
becoming weaker. Hence, relationships between males and females are less stable.
Moreover, he said some traditional family functions, such as education, religion and passing along the
family heritage, have been lost. Families today typically retain only the functions of reproduction and
sexual satisfaction.
Younger generations are unwilling to shoulder the responsibilities or to be bound by the restrictions
brought by marriage, especially the fostering of children.
However, Dr. Thrieau has another perspective: She believes that social influence is an important factor
instead.
"When divorce is not very well accepted by a society, people feel more frightened to make a definite
choice.
"Besides, many people consider romantic love the most important basis of a couple. They therefore prefer
a kind of informal relationship,"she said.
Meanwhile, Dr. Thrieau believes that saying cohabitation is "a trial before marriage" is just an excuse to avoid marriage.
A 13-year-couple, Mr. Micky Lau and his wife, think that people prefer cohabitation rather than marriage
because of insufficient love.
"True love can make a couple stand in front of the world to declare their engagement. Cohabitation is just
an excuse for young people to have sex more conveniently," they said.
Dr. Thrieau offered another perspective.
"The youth today carry on their studies for a longer time and they find a stable job later than before.
"When you don't have a stable job or are still a student, you are reluctant to take up a formal engagement
with responsibilities."
So cohabitation may be an alternative, according to Dr. Thrieau.
She believes that the economic situation of society also affects the choice between cohabitation and marriage. For instance, France has recently experienced a bad economic situation and marriage rates increased a little bit.
Dr. Thrieau said that when one has the capacity not to rely on the relatives, cohabitation is easier. Otherwise, pressure from the relatives is much more effective in leading to marriage.
Dr. Wong expressed concern about the effect of cohabitation on inter-generational relationships.
"It will adversely affect the relationship between two generations _ the couple and their children _ both
directly and indirectly.
Yet parents' attitudes vary.
Mrs. Lam Ka Kuen, a housewife of 55, said she would never allow her daughter to cohabit without
marrying.
"Security, which cohabitation lacks, is the most important thing to a woman.
"Besides, relatives and friends will look down on a girl living with a boy without marriage.
"However, I'll not oppose my son strongly if he cohabits with a girl. It is, of course, better if they marry
instead."
Mr. Chui Kwun Hung, 58, who has a daughter practicing cohabitation, leaves much freedom to his
children.
"My daughter is now 23. She has her own freedom to choose her way of life. I'll not interfere," she
said.
"Cohabitation is, of course, different from marriage. Marriage involves more responsibilities and is a more
committed relationship," said Ken.
"The responsibilities include those to your parents, relatives and your spouse.
"By cohabitation, we can have more freedom in our individual ways of living, or at least, fewer
restrictions
"For instance, we still have the freedom to go around with other girls. We feel freer to choose another
partner, since I am just her boyfriend and she is my girlfriend."
Though Ken has cohabited for six years, he said he would get married finally. To him, cohabitation is just "a trial marriage".
"We certainly couldn't get married when we had known each other for just a month, as we didn't understand each other thoroughly. We also didn't know if the other person was suitable to be our `other half' for the rest of our lives,"said he,"But it is true we deal with each other so well that we want to live together."
Ken believes that love and marriage are two different things. Love cannot guarantee that a couple will live
together harmoniously.
"Love is an emotional reaction, but living together involves many complicated, down-to-the-earth
things.
"Each person is an individual with a totally different background. Habits of one may be intolerable to
another. For example, how a toothbrush or toilet seat should be placed may be points of conflict.
"Hence, cohabitation gives us a chance to test whether two people can accept each others' differences. It can reduce the possibility of divorce."
To Ken, marriage is a necessary step. As one gets older, a family with wife and children becomes more
important.
He did not think that the increase of cohabitation in Hong Kong reveals a moral decline.
Ken said: "It's the 1990s now. In the past, people got married and then learnt how to live together harmoniously. But now, we test if we can live together well before marriage. It's only a rearrangement of the schedule."