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Trouble shared is trouble halved
Divorce mediation
another way out

By Winkie Tang

Divorce is never a joyful experience, especially for children.

Divorce mediation is a new service that helps divorcees settle conflicts and reduce future legal costs.

Mrs. Catherine Tang is a family counsellor and mediator at The Hong Kong Catholic Marriage Advisory Council.

The council provides divorce mediation only to clients who are determined to divorce.

Said she: “If the clients have not yet made up their minds, we provide divorce counselling instead.

“If they want to reunite, provide reconciliation counselling.”

The Hong Kong Catholic Marriage Advisory Council, sponsored by the Hong Kong Jockey Club, has been a pioneer in divorce mediation in Hong Kong since 1986.

The Legal Aid Department usually refers clients of lower classes to the council.

Middle class clients usually contact the council through direct phone-in.

Said Mrs. Tang: “Our main job is to help the family to reach a peaceful resolution over post-divorce disputes.

“In past cases, the tension between divorcees was usually great.

“We provide a comfortable environment for them to converse rationally.”

The major disputes usually concern  housing, finance, division of assets and child custody.

“The negative impact on children is enormous when the two parties fight for custodial rights,” said Mrs. Tang.

The one possessing the custodial right may prohibit the children from meeting the other parent.

“In some cases, children might get angry with the parent not living with them.

“They are loyal to the parent who raises them.

“They also tend to protect this parent,” said Mrs. Tang.

Divorce affects the psychological health and academic results of children.

“The situation gets worse if the children are over 6 years old, since they are old enough to understand what’s happening,” Mrs. Tang said.

Divorce is painful, but the children are innocent.

Therefore, the council promotes the concept of “everlasting parenthood”.

Said Mrs. Tang: “Separated couples still have the responsibility to bring up their children after divorce.      

“They should respect their children and put the children’s benefits first when deciding on the custodial rights.

“They should also bear in mind that no matter who gets the custodial rights, they are always the children’s parents. They should let their children know that they will always love them,” said she.

Mediators at the council have received social work and mediation training that is certified by the Hong Kong International Arbitration Centre.

Social workers, psychologists and lawyers can be trained to be mediators.

Another counsellor and mediator, Miss Nancy Cheung, works for Resource the Counselling Centre.

She calls divorce mediation “family mediation”.

About 30 to 40 percent of counsellors’ incomes comes from The Hong Kong Jockey Club and The Community Chest.

The charge for mediation is based on family income on a sliding scale.

The minimum fee is $200 per hour of mediation.

The mediators are multi-cultural.

Said Miss Cheung: “The majority of our clients are foreigners or people from the upper classes.

“Our Chinese clients are mostly people who have lived in foreign countries before. They are more open to receiving the service, which is common in the West.

In the counselling centre, there are Chinese, Indian, British, American and French mediators.

“Clients feel better if mediators have the same cultural background,” said she.

Clients might consult their lawyers about their rights and obligations before the mediation meeting.

A mediator will ask each party to talk about their concerns. Then he will clarify and discuss their concerns.

Issues are written down and listed in order of priority.

The mediator then tries to define the areas where the parties are in agreement or disagreement, and thus create a structure for discussions.

Each party is asked to explain his or her position on each issue. They will then explore solutions to discrepancies.

“An agreement is pieced together like a jigsaw puzzle,” said Miss Cheung.

The agreement is then given to both parties’ lawyers for consultation. It then may be transformed into legal documents.

Or else, they will have to settle in court.

In court, no direct dialogue is possible because the lawyers speak on behalf of the clients.

“Lawyers have firm stances in court. It will be a win-lose situation in which one might get hurt as a result.

“The service is to help reaching a ‘win-win’ situation,” said Miss Cheung.

Its goal is to reach agreements and to develop mutual trust among the divorcees.

Mediation should be a well-informed, non-threatening and fair process.

Yet, mediation is not suitable for all divorcees.

If violence or sexual abuse is involved, a mediation service would be threatening for the victim.

The successful rate of mediation is 85 percent or higher, indicating that some cases fail.

“As mediation is a voluntary process, the parties can withdraw anytime they like.

“But even if the mediation ends in failure, the divorced couple can understand more about the basis of their conflicts,” said Miss Cheung.

The government is now introducing a pilot scheme to provide 15 hours of free mediation to the public.

The purpose is to encourage the public to settle divorce conflicts through mediation rather than in court.

Both Mrs. Tang and Miss Cheung disagreed that divorce mediation provides an easy way for couples to divorce.

According to statistics from the Judiciary, there were 9,473, 10,492, 13,129, and 13,408 divorce decrees in 1996, 1997, 1998 and 1999, respectively.

Said Mrs. Tang: “Although the number of divorces has kept increasing these past few years, divorce mediation is definitely not the cause.

“It is the change in social values that increased the number of divorce cases.

“The change in legal procedures has shortened the time needed for divorce.

Mr. Richard Cheung, 50, recently received divorce mediation.

Said Mr. Cheung: “It was my ex-wife who asked me to receive mediation.

“We received mediation to save time and money for the legal process.”

Mr. Cheung said that the mediator helped them to identify the problems and keep  calm.

Said he: “To me, divorce mediation is a good service. It provided me with a chance to talk directly to my ex-wife.

“I think conflicts can be settled in a better way through direct conversation than in written statements.

“Through divorce mediation, we didn’t need to use lawyers as middlemen to settle conflicts.”

Divorce mediation, however, did not help to improve his relationship with his ex-wife.

It only made the outcome of the divorce better and the process smoother.

“My divorce process is now going on.”

“But thanks to the mediation service, I no longer have any conflicts with my ex-wife now,”said Mr. Cheung.

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