Love has no boundaries

Lesbians seek society's acceptance and lawful marriage

Franco Lai realized she was a lesbian when she was a primary student. (Cissy Ren)

By Cissy Ren

According to research done by the East Asian Women’s Forum, nearly half of all women are confused about their sexual orientation.

Queer Sister, established in 1995, is a feminist organization that helps to promote women’s sexual rights in Hong Kong.

Queer Sister Chairperson Eunice Au said, “Since homosexual couples cannot get married lawfully in Hong Kong, it is obvious that homosexuals do not enjoy equal sex rights with heterosexuals.

“Last year, a gay couple married a lesbian couple in order to acquire more rights and condemn the inequality they bear from law and society.”

This impressed Franco Lai, a postgraduate in the Department of Anthropology at The Chinese University of Hong Kong.

Said she: “Although the norm defined by society is heterosexuality, I realized that I was a lesbian when I was in primary school.

“It is natural and comfortable to fall in love with someone, so I don’t consider it a mistake to love a girl.

“However, I experienced a time when I dared not express my real affection because of social pressure.”

Ms. Lai started her first relationship with a girl when she was a Year 1 student at the Chinese University.

“My mother noticed I was always with a girl. Then she gradually learned the fact.

“She was unhappy with this at first, but then she accepted my sexual orientation within half a year.

“Without any direct conversation between my dad and me, he also accepted my way of life,” said Ms. Lai with a smile.

For the future with her partner, Ms. Lai said that they have thought of living together, but they have not carried this out because of economic problems.

“In some foreign countries, laws recognize same sex marriage.

“I think marriage in a foreign country is a simple and direct way for lesbian couples to get married lawfully,” said she.

Connie Chan, chairperson of F Union, agrees that getting married abroad may be an option.

F Union, registered in 2001, is an association for lesbians.

Said Ms. Chan: “Although my partner and I could get married overseas, our marriage wouldn’t be seen as lawful in Hong Kong.

“Instead, we plan to live together when we have better economic conditions.”

When it comes to children, Ms. Chan said that she would not think of adoption.

“How could he or she grow up happily? The child would suffer pressure from schools, teachers, classmates, and the entire society,” she said.

Lik Wai is Ms. Chan’s partner. She is also a member of F Union.

Said she: “Since lesbian marriage is not recognized by law in Hong Kong, people may consider our love as an unstable relationship.

“However, heterosexuals get married lawfully, but there are overwhelming numbers of cases of divorce.”

As a matter of fact, Lik Wai married a man a few years ago even though she did not love him. At that time, she was in love with a woman, but she tried to suppress her real feelings to meet the demands of society.

Said she: “Our marriage lasted for a year, and then we got divorced because I wasn’t able to deceive myself and hide my affections anymore.

“It’s not a simple process to make lesbian marriages lawful because it also requires a whole set of systemic legislation and social agreements.”

Chris, who declined to reveal her full name, is another member of F Union. She said that lesbian relationships would exist in society even if they were not collectively accepted.

“A man falls in love with a woman and then they get married. Similarly, a woman falls in love with a woman, so why can’t they get married?

“I really wish homosexual couples could get married lawfully in Hong Kong because it would mean that we would have the right to make our own choices.”

In addition, Chris said that she would like to have babies.

She said, “Having a baby means much more to me than simply completing the process of reproduction. Otherwise, I would just marry a man regardless of the lack of true love.

“What I want is a baby who exists not only as a living thing, but also as a sign that represents the love between my partner and me.”

Chris added that even though she could not have a baby with her partner, she would not adopt or be artificially inseminated as a substitution.

To Chris, the most important thing is her real feelings and love for her partner, not society’s recognition.

Vicky, who declined to reveal her full name, is a member of Queer Sister. She said that choosing to be a homosexual is a personal decision.

“I don’t want to waste my life pretending that I belong to the majority of society.

“Meanwhile, I do wish society could accept the existence of homosexual love and relationships and treat us without discrimination.

“I believe that lesbian relationships are an acceptable alternative to heterosexual marriage for lesbians.”

Furthermore, Ms. Au of Queer Sister said that a homosexual relationship is not so different from a heterosexual marriage.

“For instance, if my partner’s parents get sick, I take care of them, not because of the responsibilities demanded by marriage, but because of the love between us,” said she with a bright smile.

 

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