Unmarried women
The best is yet to come

Single women are not lonely when with friends.(Tse Ting Ting)

By Scarlett Shi

Pauline Ng, 45, a tableware wholesaler, said she chooses to remain single because she likes freedom. “I do not want to be bounded by affection. Men in Hong Kong are untrustworthy,” said she.

The 2001 Population Census by the Census and Statistics Department revealed that 8.3 percent of women aged from 45 to 49 are single in Hong Kong.

Prof. Ting Kwok Fai, an associate professor in the Department of Sociology at The Chinese University of Hong Kong, said, “Marriage initially was an economic necessity for a woman, with little thought of romance.”

However, the concept has changed.

Said Prof. Ting: “Since women now have more access to education, they can spend more or even most of their time on building their careers.

“Economic independence brings the option to remain single.”

Furthermore, the meaning of marriage has also been changing.

“Traditionally, marriage aimed at carrying on family lines. Nowadays, it means enjoying the emotional support of one another.

“Thus, a woman sets high demands on her man. If she does not meet the right person, she would rather choose a single life,” added Prof. Ting.

Cindy Chan, 44, assistant unit manager at American International Assurance Company Limited, agreed with the new meaning.

Said Ms. Chan: “Since I have not met my Mr. Right, I have decided to stay single.

“In fact, I had a boyfriend when I was young. We dated for three years, but we broke up because we were not a good match.

“I enjoy my life now. I feel free to do whatever I want. I have lots of friends and I like chatting with them.”

Prof. Lynne Nakano of the Department of Japanese Studies at the Chinese University described the trend in Hong Kong and Japan as “single culture”.

“If you are single and you have many friends who are also single, you are not alone.

“In contrast, if you marry, you will lose your friends because you have to stay at home,” she said.

Prof. Nakano also stated that a consumer culture targeting single women has come into existence in recent years to promote the idea of being single.

Said she: “Successful women who are single, beautiful and intelligent are often featured in magazines.

“These stories tell women that they can have good lives without getting married.”

Regarding the pressures on single women, Prof. Nakano said, “Women want to get married not because they want to please their parents or to attain financial security, but to find love and spiritual fulfillment.”

Meanwhile, some invisible pressures exist.

Said Ms. Chan: “I feel uneasy during every Chinese New Year.

“When I receive red pockets from others, especially from someone younger than me, it does result in pressures.

“Also, sometimes I feel lonely.”

In coping with loneliness, Ms. Chan said, “I dive into my job.

Involving myself completely in something else makes me forget the troubles.

“Besides, taking some exercises like hiking and swimming helps me get into a good mood.

“Although I am busy, I swim twice a week.”

Ms. Ng has her own methods.

Said she: “I try to maintain an optimistic mentality everyday.

“When encountering a difficulty, I try not to get myself in a blind alley. What I bear in mind is making myself happy.”

As for marriage, Ms. Ng is quite pessimistic.

Said she: “Most people are not serious about marriage, so the divorce rate in Hong Kong has been increasing sharply.

“Divorce affects the growth of children, and it is a tragedy in society.

“In Hong Kong, the majority of men are not good. They live in the world of wine and women.

“I trust neither men nor marriage.”

Nonetheless, Ms. Chan is optimistic.

Said she: “The affection from marriage is important, and it cannot be replaced.

“Marriage gives people a sense of security and support.

“I will not consider it within the next two years, but I am looking forward to meeting a man who will open his heart to me.”

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