Passion is
key to love

By June Lau
     Hong Kong people this year were ranked the lowest on a sexual performance scale in a survey of 14 countries conducted by a condom manufacturer.
     Sexual performance was evaluated in terms of the time spent in sexual intercourse, frequency of sex, and partner satisfaction.

     Hong Kong people on average spend 12.3 minutes in a single act of sexual intercourse.
     And they are sexually repressed, having sex only 77 times a year, according to the survey.
     However, this quantitative evaluation of sex is meaningless to Miss Crystal Kwok Kam Yan, a television personality.
     “Sex isn’t a matter of duration and frequency.
     “Sex is the most direct way of communication and expression.”
     A male Form 7 student in Sha Tin said he considers sex a prerequisite of a good lover, but it is not the only factor.
     “It is unfair to judge lovers by sex ability only,” he said. “Sex is one of the many elements of love.”
     He believes a loving relationship embraces sex, concern, consideration and loyalty, which all originate from love.
     “I usually have sex with my girlfriend every 10 days. It lasts about half an hour each time.
     “I try my best to satisfy my partner through communication,” he said. “I ask her what I can do to make her feel more comfortable.”
Courtesy of Miss Kwok

     Miss Kwok said communication and trust are essential components for lovers.
     “The former eradicates misunderstandings and the latter removes suspicion, which is often a source of conflict.
     “It’s easy to observe how good your lover treats you, whether he or she is selfish or considerate,” she added.
     The Form 7 student agreed. “My girlfriend complains when I behave a bit violently and I
quickly respond by showing tenderness like kissing her more,” he said. “Only in this way can sex contribute to love.”
     From a psychological point of view, there are three elements to love.
     Dr. Winton Au, assistant professor in the Psychology Department at The Chinese University of Hong Kong, gives an account of this triangular model of love.
     Passion is the first element. “Good lovers should have arousal and intense feelings for their partners,” he said. “They should be attracted by each other physically and should become impulsive toward sexual communication.”
     Intimacy is the second element of love. It is natural for lovers to feel close and connected. They are then willing to share their possessions and feel happy to be with their partners.
     Commitment to the relationship is the third element.
     Dr. Au said sex is a sensitive topic that is repressed in Hong Kong.
     Miss Kwok urges Hong Kong people to make improvements.
     “Sex education is of the utmost importance,” she said. “It is a part of life and it should be normal and healthy.”
     Comparing people in Hong Kong and Europe, Miss Kwok admires the lifestyles of the latter.
     “Europeans enjoy life and sex. They pursue a happy life. They are glad to see others showing their passion as needed.
     Said she: “That’s what Hong Kong people need to learn if they want to be better lovers.”



 Private eyes




January 1998

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